gwass

Please excuse the snot. Thanks.

 

mum’s the word

So today is Mother’s Day. Some people hate it, some people love it and I’m a bit indifferent toward it. I generally have a really good day on Mother’s Day but it isn’t something I look forward to, per se. My mother-in-law lives two hours away so we mail her card and gift. We usually celebrate it with my mother the day before. So Mother’s Day is pretty much all mine every year.

Last night, when Monkey realized it was Mother’s Day today (tomorrow, at the time), he said, “For Big Boy’s Day can you get me something special?” I said, “What? When is Big Boy’s Day?” He said, “Oh in 29 days.” Yeeeeaaah. He mentioned it again this morning, actually. Silly boy.

I’m having an all right day. My MIL sent me a card which was appreciated. Kent got me some gifts (”from the kids”). The Sweeney Todd soundtrack (I’m a soundtrack geek, in case you didn’t know and about a quarter of my cds are soundtracks, woo hoo), Dan in Real Life (my new favorite movie), and two books: Prozac Nation and Naptime is the New Happy Hour: And Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down (after the pimping done by my awesome bloggy buddy Aunt Becky it became a must have). Really happy-go-lucky stuff, eh?

Let’s get to the point. It’s Mother’s Day. I finally finished planting my garden (I use the term loosely, fyi) today. And I’m not doing anything else today. Happy Mother’s Day to all my mom (and mom-to-be) friends.

 

 

I…

…am trying to get back into blogging (writing, whatever you want to call it) but I’m taking the easy way out today and doing a survey that I stole from Linds.

I am: alive!
I think: that Obama should be the next president.
I know: everything. (Bet you didn’t know that, did ya?)
I want: more than anything for my kids to always be healthy and happy.
I have: a scratch on my hand.
I wish: I was a little bit taller. (I wish I was… hahha)
I hate: lies.
I miss: a baby that I never got to hold.
I fear: losing a child.
I feel: exhausted.
I hear: clickety clack.
I smell: like tangerines.
I crave: sex. All the time!
I wonder: if we’ll have a third child someday.
I regret: a couple of things but I would not change any of them.

I love: my husband and kids.
I care: therefore I am.
I always: go pee as soon as I get out of bed. (Once I get into the bathroom, haha.)
I am not: an 80 year old man.
I believe: in choice.
I dance: to Queen’s greatest hits. (I totally do.)
I sing: Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star with Monkey and Itsy Bitsy Spider with Boo.
I cry: a lot less than I used to.
I don’t always: remember to call people back when I say that I will.
I fight: with myself.
I write: the names of people I love when I am on the phone.
I win: at Scrabble and Boggle.
I never: win at Monopoly.
I confuse: Natalie Portman with Keira Knightley.
I listen: to music almost all day.
I am scared of: things that go bump in the night.
I need: a day off!
I am happy about: so many things right now.

 

back in the groove (i hope)

First, a photo to lure you in…

Yesterday I woke up (at 6:23 am, when Boo started yelling, “Maaaaaaaamaaaaaaa! Waaaaaay aaaah youuuuuuuu?”) feeling very negative about everything. I know, it’s shocking - isn’t it? Anyway, I was all cranky and not wantingto do anything. I got the kids their breakfast and then proceeded to sit at the computer and sulk. I wasn’t (and am not) feeling well and my MIL was coming down to spend the day with us. Just me & the kids, no Kent (aka no buffer). I was wishing I could just curl up into a little(ish) ball and feel sorry for myself all day.

And then something miraculous happened. I got angry with myself for feeling that way. Okay, that’s not miraculous - that happens all the time. I think to myself “Oh boo f-ing hoo. You’re soooo pathetic,” (and things of that nature) quite often. This time it was different though. Because instead of sitting there berating myself (and therefore really just continuing the big old no-one-loves-me-I-don’t-love-myself-everything-sucks pity party) for feeling bad I got up and did something about it. I just told myself I wasn’t going to let all the shit get me down. For once. I’m not saying I stood up, looked in the mirror and said, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me.” Let’s be honest - we all know I’m not that enlightened.

I got into the shower and I started thinking about all the GOOD things in my life at the moment. Which aren’t maybe as plentiful as they could be. Still, there are a number of things that I have in my life that make it worth more than I give credit for. After all, I’m not homeless, I’ve never been starving, I have a husband that actually wants to come home to me every night (despite my awesome talent for being a bitch) and I have two of the best kids EVER. Seriously, don’t try to tell me your kids are better. They are soooo not.

Right so. After that I got in gear. I had the dishes done, the floors washed, the kids bathed & dressed - all before 8am! Then we played. And THEN my MIL came. I nervously opened the door (I genuinely like the woman despite all our differences, I really and truly do, but she makes me uncomfortable because she doesn’t say much and I’m not a huge talker so it can be a bit awkward with all the not talking). She came in and played with the kids - gave them their presents (she ALWAYS comes with presents, my best kids EVER are spoiled) and then you know what happened? I had a great day with her! We talked about all sorts of things and played with the kids. We talked about inane things (like the weather) and important things (like family) and real issues (of the world, not mine). Having her come down actually went so well that I am going to invite her to go with us when we take our mini vacation to the zoo this summer. So things I’m thankful for? Yeah - that number keeps going up.

I know that everyone has bad days. I know that I am GOING to have bad days, even when I do everything in my power to have a good day. Because I can’t control the universe (much as I’d LOVE to) and I can’t control germs (though it would be nice) and because I cannot control other people (not many of them anyhow). I think, though, that sometimes I make my ‘bad’ days out to be a little worse than they actually are. By letting circumstances get me down, I’m really just making a crappy situation into a full blown this-sucks-I-hate-everything episode (in my mind, not for the world to see. I’m not much of an “out loud” drama queen, honest).

Also. I received an email recently from someone that made me realize that while I have been doing the right things for my family lately, I have kind of been neglecting myself. I have to fit in somewhere. I’ve given up the majority of the things that I like to do in lieu of things that I need to do. Which at first made me feel good but now I just feel like a really resentful martyr(ish) type person. Everyone else in the house gets to do ALL the things they like to do because I have been doing EVERYTHING else.

Well. Something happened last Monday and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t do much but sleep and take pain pills. If you know me, then you know that neither sleeping excessively nor taking medication is something I would normally do. Kent really rose to that “challenge” and I realized that it doesn’t kill him to help out once in awhile. Doing the dishes or laundry once a week (or twice even!) so that I can get some ‘me’ time won’t hurt him a bit. So now he does. It wasn’t his fault that he stopped helping out, I just sort of took over and refused his help. I brought it on myself. Now I am realizing that having some time for ME (to blog, to scrapbook, to take, sort & edit photos, or to read) can only make me a better me. Everyone needs alone time but I’m more of a loner than even the average person. I am NOT going back to the way things were though. Despite being worn out, I have been much happier since I’ve been spending less time on the computer and more time with my family. So I still won’t have all that much time to read blogs and/or comment, which I apologize for. I do miss you all, though! 

So, to recap…. I’m a pretty negative person. My kids are the best. I spent an entire day with my MIL and, despite my expectations, it was a really good day. Everyone has bad days. I can’t control the universe, germs or other people. I received an email. I’ve been sick (sort of). I need time for myself. I miss you guys!

 

 

oh but we’re just fine…

 

coloring boo

See how grown up she is getting? Can you believe this? *sniffle*

 

here’s the thing…

Monkey is sick.. again. Kent, Boo and I are all doing fine, for now anyway. (Fingers crossed on that one.) It seems as though we’re dominoes. Just when we get ourselves all picked up again, one of us is sick and the others aren’t far behind. It’s a pain in the ass. But we’re alive and none of us have had anything life threating (well, we have but it was caught waaay early so you know..) so that’s something to be thankful for.

The main reason I haven’t been writing is that I just don’t have time. I had to cut something out, I HAD to. My life was a mess… and it still is but it’s getting better.

We’re having a hard time with a lot of stuff right now. Kent’s not entirely happy with his job but he’s working with his boss now, to make some positive changes. We’re having in-law issues (which I cannot get into because hello, public).

The weather is improving so I’ve been spending as much time outside with the kids as possible. Soaking up that sunshine, you know. I am on the computer about 10% of the time that I used to be. So.. not much. I primarily do picture stuff and check my email and then I’m off the computer. I haven’t been reading blogs and when I do, I don’t usually have time to comment. Obviously, you know that I haven’t been writing either. I just need to put LIVING before writing about living, for a change.

Boo is busier than ever, running around constantly. When she isn’t running it is only because she is climbing. She climbs everything. Somehow she gets herself up onto the table, though I have yet to see HOW she does it. She climbs the entertainment center (thankfully it’s a nice sturdy one!), she climbs into the rocking chair, she goes upstairs & pulls out the drawers on her dresser so that she can climb up THAT. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes!

I have also been CLEANING which takes up a lot of my time. Really deep down cleaning. I do laundry every day, I do dishes every day (Kent used to do the dishes because I hate them but I have been trying to lighten his at-home workload so that he can focus more on his job & not worry about things here), I have also been trying to exercise every day. I NEED to do these things to keep myself happy. I don’t NEED to write here. I have a paper journal for times I need to vent and I keep up with the kids’ journals which, at this point, pretty much chronicles my life for me without me needing to come here.

I miss you guys a ton, I really do. And if you miss me.. you can always go to my photo blog (http://oneyearofphotos.wordpress.com) where I update daily. Okay, I don’t post there daily but I do take a photo every day and I try to write some along with it. I sometimes post 3 or 4 days worth at once but I DO eventually post. I made a commitment to do that and so I’m sticking to it.. I need to finish something I started for ONCE in my life. Other than that, I admit I’m going to be scarce. I do read when I can but I just can’t seem to find the time to comment properly.

I feel like I have left something important out. I would say that I’ll be back if I remember but I probably won’t (remember OR come back if I do). Also, I DO check my email daily so if you really want to get in touch with me for any reason (though I cannot think why you would) then you can go ahead and do that. I promise to write back!

Now I need to go because Monkey can’t breathe very well, time for medicine!

 

the sigh heard ’round the world

I can’t seem to update any more frequently than I have been. Sorry if it’s really that upsetting.

We are ALL sick. Again. Every time I think about it, I feel like sobbing. Honest, I have to swallow hard and force myself to think about something else. Both the kids are having trouble sleeping, Kent tosses and turns - I can’t sleep because I’m either (a) taking care of someone else or (b) too sick to sleep myself.

This winter has been absolutely, unbelievably brutal for us. Aside from Monkey (who has THE worst luck ever when it comes to catching colds and things) none of us is ever sick, really. Until the past few months. We’ve all had bronchitis (more than once each), three of us have had pneumonia, two of us have had strep throat, and then there are the numerous colds that attack in between. I just can’t take it anymore! If we don’t get some fucking sunshine soon I think we all may just wither away. It sucks that much.

I have been, quite honestly, wondering what the FUCK we’ve done to the universe. The worst part, actually, isn’t being ill. It’s the shit attitudes that we’ve all adopted to go along with it. Monkey is impossible. As parents we’re pretty much too worn out to do much about it. At this point, we’re really just doing what we can to get through each day without killing each other. Boo is in that phase of growing up where every little no (from me) leads to a full blown tantrum- kicking, screeching, throwing things, etc. Kent has now earned himself that much coveted title: whiniest man alive. What is it about men that they have to one-up you in everything, even illness? I have a headache? His head is KILLING him. I have a sore throat? His throat hurts so much that he couldn’t even swallow a tear if he wanted to. I’m tired? He’s exhausted. I swear to bejebu that if I stubbed my toe, he’d tell me that his fell off! I am beginning to prefer my kids’ midnight I-think-I’m-dying crying company to his!

Anyway….

My poor best friend is getting married in September and she wants my help. Which, I know, I have mentioned. I just feel bad for her because I know NOTHING about it. She’s coming over today so we can go over some stuff and at least try to pin down colors and where she wants to have it. We’re running out of time to do things already and we’ve only just started! I just hope that when she leaves she doesn’t have a virus stuck to her ass.

Right so. The boy is saying, “She pinched me!” and the girl is saying, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” so I must be going. See… I can hear them from here. And that’s no good.

 

well, i’m wearing green at least!

Without even realizing (at first) that today was St. Patrick’s Day (after all, how often does it really fall on the 15th?) I dressed myself and my kids in green today. Okay, Boo is wearing purple mostly but there is green in her skirt. Monkey and I both have green shirts on. So… yeah. No pinching!

In case you are wondering WHY it’s on the 15th this year, the Roman Catholic Church (to which I do not belong) changed the date so that it would not conflict with Holy Monday that falls on the 17th. There’s your bit o’ stuff from me today, haha.

Boo is being exceptionally cute at the moment. She has our (oldest, no longer working) digital camera and she keeps saying, “Cheeeeeese!” and holding it out to ‘take pictures.’ Hee. She also keeps trying to fit the hand strap over her head because she sees me with my camera around my neck. Luckily the hand straps on cameras are never long enough for her to get over her big head or she’d probably choke herself.

As it is, the Boo almost drowned herself today. Okay, it wasn’t THAT dramatic but it did scare her. Monkey was taking a bath and she threw a toy into the tub. Then she decided that she wanted it back. (I’m sure you know what comes next.) She leaned over a bit and couldn’t reach it, leaned over a bit more and then splooosh! she was in the tub, head first. I saw it happen. I was writing at the time (watching Monkey in the tub and keeping an eye on Boo), I flung my pen and notebook away and reached out and grabbed her. She was sputtering and blinking her eyes as if to say What the hell just happened?! I had JUST gotten her dressed, she was soaked - head to toe. It was kind of comical to me, mostly because I was there when it happened. Had I NOT been in the room (I’m always in the room when there is a tub full of water and a kiddo present, don’t call the authorities) it would have been a different story, I’m sure. It really was so weird, honestly like slow motion. Even now, thinking about it, I know that it was only about 3 seconds from sploosh to me pulling her out but you take in SO MUCH when something like that happens that it feels like a lot longer. Poor Boo. Didn’t slow her down much. The second she was down to her diaper she was right back over there, throwing toys in and digging them out, shrieking, “Bubbles! Bubbles!” Crazy girl. She isn’t afraid of enough, really. She also thinks that she can do anything Monkey can do. She’s going to give me a heart attack someday, I just know it!

Monkey hasn’t been lying much lately - thank goodness. It was making me so ANGRY, irrationally so. He does have a knack for embellishment, though. He’ll wake up in the morning (to the tune of 6am, at the latest) and say, “Wow, I got A LOT of sleep. I slept for one-hundred hours!” To which I respond, “I wish!” He’s also been extremely hyper lately. I NEED for it to get warm out so we can get our arses outside, in the sun. Unfortunately, it’s snowing here today. Sigh.

Okay, I’ve babbled enough. OH! No, I haven’t! My best friend is engaged. She wants me to be her maid-of-honor. Eek. She wants me to help her plan it (despite being married, I have never had any part in the planning or execution of an actual wedding). She’s getting married in September! This year! Short time to plan but I think we can get it done. One more thing… this means it’s my responsibility to plan the bridal shower, is that right? I suck at stuff like that. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Greatly.

 

to make a short story long

That’s Boo playing peek-a-boo with the door.  Lately she will hide in a room (usually the laundry room, sometimes my bedroom) and she’ll close the door until I say all the ‘right’ things (”Where’s Boo? Boo! I can’t find her anywhere!”)  Then she yanks open the door and yells, “BOO!”  She thinks it is the best. game. EVER! 

I’m here because I feel like I should write again.  I have started getting the old “Are you ALIVE or what?” emails again.  I honestly just have nothing to write about though.  I’m only sleeping about 3 hours a night (that’s an average - sometimes it is longer and sometimes I’m up all night) and this time I can’t blame it on Boo. I’m just busy all day and too tired at night to do anything but lie on the couch with a book.

In addition to that I’m plain old boring. There is nothing especially bad (or especially good) happening right now and really… who wants to hear about my days when they are all the same?!

I have been having nightmares about a certain BIL again. Fun fun, that is. I wish he would just get sucked up into a black hole. Like I don’t have enough to worry about without having dreams of him breaking in and doing horrible things to my kids. Nightmares which are (I can only assume) contributing to my inability to sleep. Who wants to sleep when they know they’ll be dreaming shit like that?

Okay so. Let’s recap. Boo’s cute. I’m alive. I’m tired. I hate my BIL. Wow — I could have easily written a much shorter post and still said everything I needed to say. Haha.

P.S. I’m still trying to get caught up on reading everyone else.